Big Bad Wolf

the big bad wolf was tapping at my shack
 some weeks ago.
threatening the popsicle sticks and 
toothpicks,
haphazardly fostering the structural sanity of this shanty, 
breathing salty, humid breath upon the door,
rapping at my lack of construction,
my inability to create a sturdy foundation,
empty attempts to master creation
preschool paste and googly eyes gone all awry. 


I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow apart this entire town!
this town of uncertainty 
 unworthiness
and lies,
where you see yourself in a mirror-
but the mirror's a 
disguise,
other hats from dress up bins,
other hearts from sappy movies,
other ideas from external dreaming,
other myths from others doing,
other experiences from lives
you've never wanted to live,
if they take and they take,
and you give and you give,
then how,
little piggy
can you let anyone in?


I'll huff, and I'll puff until you shed that thick facade!
until you realize that your dreams 
are dreams worthy,
until you realize that you're not god,
until you see that your faults are not a weakness,
and your weakness is not being weak,
and the answers that you've came for 
are 
here,
and they are worthy of seeking,
you're not wasted breath,
and when your heart isn't singing 
then your soul isn't free,
and when you're mind isn't not listening,
then you're forgetting to breathe,
so listen up little piggy,
and overcome this fear,
 you chose to come on this trip,
you know why you're here,
walk that path with strong legs,
  wind those stairs with an open heart,
without seeing who you are,
you'll simply fall apart.


so pull out that passport
  and board that plane,
this existence is waiting 
and it won't wait in vain.


cuz we all have baggage baby,
it just depends if you carry it on with you
or check it into a cargo hold,
to be covered and tossed and forgotten 
until we reach a destination
where it will be bitter and cold,
I suggest you
keep it on your tray table,
in the upright but not locked position,
 so you can examine it,

 love it,

own it,

and
bring all your dreams to fruition.

Will Work For Food

there’s a frost on the edgy, cragged tips

of the crackled, inclement lips of sanity

   prompting me to slide my tongue across canyons of perilous weather to hydrate the

exsiccated existentialism- it's winding like a kitty tail against a cold window sill,

cloaking pretension and vanity,

vapid and driveling as the Sunday ads,

encouraging us to buy kool-aid for the soul- just add water and sugar for a smile

then turn left near the electronics and truck down by the music,

   go straight for a mile

until you pass the old woman on the right holding a “do not disturb” door knocker

   simultaneously a “will fuck for food” sign,

       (see she doesn’t understand, and probably never will,

that  while desperation can cling,

there’s a fine, fine, line

    between a wasp bite and a bee sting)

rip out the coupon in jagged fashion with your teeth  and cash it in with her,

    she takes all kinds,

         even if you have a fanny pack full,

she’ll pile them into her register,

organized by color, amount, size and expiration,

                      where she threads them and winds them on a giant electric company spool,

packed away in a canyon awaiting the day they are projected against epic, golden walls,

with first anger,

then

love,

acceptance,

and admiration.

Reykjsvik's Heart

palpitating cardamom
 and then some
       ice
churning for stylish sanity
burning below freezing in this upside-down-turned-love-story-calamity.
   you are my woodpecker
            keeping a queen of hearts locked in a facade of pharaoh's tomb-
golden and bright
   spirals reaching for the sky
 like the tippy tops of the limbs of the blazing birch you chirp and hammer on
your shifting azure gaze causing my regularly resolved self to yammer upon
silly notions
meaningful motions
glassy oceans
and
fiery emotions
until I can reach above
   all the etched obelisks of the world

some natural,
some not,
some frigid

some the hottest of hot.

and the only question left on the summit of my tongue is
     do you care if we are deaf-
to the noise
to the clamor
to the drama
to the glamor

as long as we're together?
   

The Highest Commitment

Should be yourself. Sound selfish? Egocentric? It's not. If you focused on everything you want to be and do  imagine for a moment how that ripple effect would go.

Sure, there are outside forces that combat us on a daily basis- most pertaining to the first tier of Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs for instance; (which I don't necessarily agree with, I often question what would happen if we could achieve it backwards somehow, as I think I've witnessed it on occasion). But regardless, if we make ourselves the highest commitment in our life, we are in turn making just that- THE highest commitment. To commit to taking care of our own selves and our own happiness, is the ultimate love. In loving yourself, you are loving to those around you. In accessing your purpose and needs- from physiological all the way to self-actualization, you are creating a space in which other people can grow.

You know when people say "she has commitment issues". Sure, of course. Most of us do. If you haven't committed to yourself, how can you ever possibly commit to another person? If your goals, desires, happiness aren't in line, you can never expect someone else to fill in the blanks for you. This is when enmeshment happens. When you don't know where you end and the other begins- and this goes for all types of relationships- friendships, lovers, work, family, even your relationship with substances.

I've watched myself through an outer lens lately- witnessing what happens when you commit to yourself. I recently accepted that I had been doing things for every person in my life except for myself, which oddly enough is a much more selfish act (as you are giving when you are not full, which in turn leads to a subconscious expectation for return) than when you make yourself first. I decided to sit down and commit to all the things I have wanted to finish in this life, and the results have been amazing. The universe may guide us, but it is not the guide. The universe has the map, but we essentially have the keys to this vehicle.

Please don't mistake me, I don't mean to never do for others, or even to not be selfless-just that in order to give genuinely, to be genuinely selfless, you have to have your own personal reserve full. So I challenge you to start with just one commitment, one way more important than a New Years Resolution. One that you will truly commit to for yourself. Because you are important. Because without you things would be different. Because if we all did this, I believe it is the only way to make true change.